Monday, August 14, 2017

I Was Rattled

I was minding my business, taking my time,
Ridin’ Ol’ Bess from the West Miller Mine
When all of a sudden, (weren’t nothing’ I did)
Bess started buckin’ and she hit the skids!

I was pitched off her back like a sack of no worth
To land near the meanest dang rattler on earth!
His tounge was a-flickin’, tasting the air,
His eyes clouded over, like a blind man’s that pair.

He was longer than Bess with a full twelve-inch girth,
My mettle dissolved to a pitiful dearth.
His head raised up proud, his tail even prouder
And that buzz just kept getting louder and louder!

His mien was aggressive and I was a wreck
So I pulled out my shooter and aimed for the neck!
Now I hate killing creatures; God’s watchin’ and all,
But he had my number and was dialin’ the call.

His head is still there, by the side of the trail
But I took the rest home, even that tail!
His meat fed me supper, yep, top o’ the line.
His hide and those rattles?  A hat-band so fine!

Friday, August 11, 2017

An ample log burns softly on the fire
Where I’ve curled up to read a favorite book.
Hot cocoa in a steaming mug helps me retire
To the fantasy of painted woods and brook.
The road to now is one I’m glad I took!

Thursday, July 27, 2017

Hannah has left Montana

Miley-the-butcher’s shop was too small,
Just a dimple made by a wrecking ball. 
It was all she could do to keep up every day,
She just couldn’t help but get in her own way.

She tried zigging and zagging this way then that,
She took off her apron; tried a new hat,
One day she thought she’d try dancing the twerk,
Backed into the grinder; got behind in her work!

We Still Don't Know Why

No one yet knows why the hen crossed the road.
What could possibly have planted that notion?
But I saw it happen, and even three-toed,
It was poultry in motion  --  poultry in motion!

Snap snap snap snap snap snap snap . . . . . . . 

Swiss Chocolate

Chocolate is all that she wishes
She adores all that Swiss is
I brought her a box
But she quick changed the locks
Guess I’ll go sleep with the Mrs.

Mary Jane Who?

A re- hab center for the upper class
Gave help to many a lad and lass
But it came to an end
When a landscaper friend
Posted signage, “Keep Off the Grass”

Spiced Out

There once was a soldier named Dee
Who fought on the land and the sea
With mustard was gassed,
And pepper spray blast,
A well-seasoned veteran is he.

No Tax Due

I stopped for pint in a mason
He said, “They’ll be no tax today son!
I’m an atheist now,
If yer wondering how,
We’re a non-prophet organization!” *

*  Atheism is a non-prophet organization - George Carlin

Round Table Manners

The roundest knight in Camelot,
(And, I learned this by inference),
Gained his girth by eating PI.
The King dubbed him Sir Cumference!

Out of the Mouth of Babes

Nobody’s made me out a fool
Like three year olds in Sunday School.
One day I thought I’d sound real wise
And asked, “Who here likes butterflies?”

All hands shot quickly to the sky,
“I saw a yellow butterfly!”
“They eat the nectar from the flowers.”
These kids, I swear, had super powers!

“Bees turn nectar into honey,
The bee guy sells it for his money!”
“My cousin’s mom got stung last week!”
“But honey’s good, its really sweet!”

“Chocolate’s sweet, it causes wrecks!”
“Mom says it is better than sex!”
“Six is my favorite number today!
Today’s my cousin’s sixth birthday!”

Like butterflies from flower to flower
Their comments wandered for an hour
From butterflies and honey bees
To birds and squirrels in the trees.

Then Airplanes, clouds and astronauts.
“And ants live in the parking lot!”
I’ve been to college; three degrees!
Sometimes I wish that I were three.