There it was an earthen mound with gaping maw mid-yawn.
The issue that I struggled with; it stood on my front lawn.
Unholy beast of underground with ill intent conspired
To sully verdant, velvet turf, from heaven’s scape inspired.
No longer could my noble heart forgive this trespass sore,
For gazing round my garden green I counted thirty more.
I searched my shed for weapons then, and found it, painted green
A grizzly tool of spring-thrust horror the likes I’m sure you’ve seen.
I set this trap with top lip curled then slipped it down his hole
Imagining a gopher’s death or perhaps demise of mole.
Next morning I arose forthwith and crept to frosty lawn
Bending toward the gaping maw I saw my trap was gone!
“That demon of the underworld!” I cursed with steel resolve,
I’d dig a hole to China ‘til this cruel quandary’s solved!
I found it just twelve inches down, that spawn of hades sent,
A victim of my icy heart, the cause of garment rent!
With ceremony reserved for gore, I threw him in the bin
And let him rot ‘til Tuesday morn when trash day came again!