Hannah has left Montana

Miley-the-butcher’s shop was too small,

Just a dimple made by a wrecking ball. 

It was all she could do to keep up every day,

She just couldn’t help but get in her own way.

She tried zigging and zagging this way then that,

She took off her apron; tried a new hat,

One day she thought she’d try dancing the twerk,

Backed into the grinder; got behind in her work!

We Still Don't Know Why

No one yet knows why the hen crossed the road.

What could possibly have planted that notion?

But I saw it happen, and even three-toed,

It was poultry in motion  --  poultry in motion!

Snap snap snap snap snap snap snap . . . . . . . 

Swiss Chocolate

Chocolate is all that she wishes

She adores all that Swiss is

I brought her a box

But she quick changed the locks

Guess I’ll go sleep with the Mrs.

Mary Jane Who?

A re- hab center for the upper class

Gave help to many a lad and lass

But it came to an end

When a landscaper friend

Posted signage, “Keep Off the Grass”

Spiced Out

There once was a soldier named Dee

Who fought on the land and the sea

With mustard was gassed,

And pepper spray blast,

A well-seasoned veteran is he.

No Tax Due

I stopped for pint in a mason

He said, “They’ll be no tax today son!

I’m an atheist now,

If yer wondering how,

We’re a non-prophet organization!” *

*  Atheism is a non-prophet organization - George Carlin

Round Table Manners

The roundest knight in Camelot,

(And, I learned this by inference),

Gained his girth by eating PI.

The King dubbed him Sir Cumference!

Out of the Mouth of Babes

Nobody’s made me out a fool

Like three year olds in Sunday School.

One day I thought I’d sound real wise

And asked, “Who here likes butterflies?”

All hands shot quickly to the sky,

“I saw a yellow butterfly!”

“They eat the nectar from the flowers.”

These kids, I swear, had super powers!

“Bees turn nectar into honey,

The bee guy sells it for his money!”

“My cousin’s mom got stung last week!”

“But honey’s good, its really sweet!”

“Chocolate’s sweet, it causes wrecks!”

“Mom says it is better than sex!”

“Six is my favorite number today!

Today’s my cousin’s sixth birthday!”

Like butterflies from flower to flower

Their comments wandered for an hour

From butterflies and honey bees

To birds and squirrels in the trees.

Then Airplanes, clouds and astronauts.

“And ants live in the parking lot!”

I’ve been to college; three degrees!

Sometimes I wish that I were three.

Litterally Absurd

A dog by the side of the road

Whelped out her cute little load

A copper who saw

Reeled off the law

Cited for littering I’m told

Cultivate Safety

When joining a cult one expects

To link up with those he respects

But some cults are bad

And though it is sad

One must ever practice safe sects!

Storm of Fire

Atop rock in pond

Encircled by a fire storm,

Salamander sits unscathed

Eagle deviates

From an evening of hunting

To witness the God of Fire

Change of Pace

A boy found some coins in Tibet

And swallowed them down on a bet

Mom, who was brewin’

Screamed, “How’s he doin’?”

The Doc said, “Sorry no change yet!”

Autumn Reverie

An ample log burns softly on the fire

Where I’ve curled up to read a favorite book.

Hot cocoa in a steaming mug helps me retire

To the fantasy of painted woods and brook.

The road to now is one I’m glad I took!

The Quiver

An arrow is loosed, a young doe is hit

With a quiver, she’s free of pain.

An arrow retrieved, returned to its place

Is his quiver truly full again?

Lust

lust burns hot and bright 
like powder in a flash pan 
true love a red coal

How black the seas in a pounding storm!

The lanterns were all blown out.

Only the lights within still burned

For crewmen strong and stout.   

The flash from the clouds would scarce reveal

The main and the mizzen bare.

Only a jib on the foremast flew

To point her homeward fair.

The captain on the helm withstood

The gale and pelting spray.

“Only an act of God”, he thought

“Could spare us all today!”

His ship was a fine one, swift and sound,

But was failing against the waves.

Only the quarter of a harbor near

Would save this crew so brave.

The squall raised up a fearsome wave

To send them down to hell.

Only to give the captain view

Of a lighthouse o’er the rail

That pulsing sentinel guided him

Through rocks and shallow shoal.

Only to bring them safely home,

A haggard twenty souls.

Getting Ahead

Two hats at a real posh spread

Owned by a baker of bread

One said to the other

“I’ll tell you what brother,

Wait here, I’ll go on a head!”

Desert Survival

A whiptail lizard

Hangs limp in roadrunner’s beak,

Speed is essential

Fast and wary, the whiptail

Just cannot compete with wings

Sloth of the desert

The horny toad is not fast,

Choosing to blend in

Thorny Camouflage protects

For speed is not an option

The black Chuckwalla

Puffs itself in rocky cracks,

Wedged in a safe place

Without speed, thorns or camo

This iguana adapted

Baseball Anyone?

I wondered why the balls I see

While standing up to bat with glee

Just keep getting bigger

When pitch pulls the trigger,

Then finally it hits me!

The Envelope

Some things in life are immovable

So tenacious and reactionary. 

No matter how hard you push the envelope

It’ll still remain stationary.

Dangerous Times

Fledgling birds cry out

From their refuge on the ground

Feline hunter stalks